Hi lovelies. Been hibernating a bit this week, as I was feeling very 'Lumpy' Monday through Wednesday. Worrying about my future, my purpose, career path. Plus, I'll be turning 30 in three months. Which good god, seriously? I feel like I was just recently wearing a jean vest with sunflowers on it and reading about Narnia for the first time. FYI, I also had a jean bucket hat with matching sunflowers. Basically, my 4th grade fashion was on point. But 30? Yikes. I've alternated being excited about it and dreading it. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself, and my fretting was running myself into the ground. But, I recognized what was happening, and practiced some self care on Wednesday evening: phone call with one of my Sisters to talk about her recent birthday, followed by a nice shower, then watched Blue Crush (because I still privately am in 4th grade). That helped to calm me down a fair bit. Yesterday, something had shifted. I felt competent and ready to tackle the world again. I felt bold. A big part of that? Reading through my little collection of text message screenshots from Randall (yes I save the best bits).
I read that and thought Hell yes. I AM those things. Next thought: Oh. I haven't recognized this in me in the past two weeks. That's why I've been feeling so rough. I had forgotten these truths about myself. Because they are true. Yesterday, I remembered. I read some other screen shots, and went through my "bad ass Katie" photo book I had made a few months ago (also a thing that exists). It's pictures of mostly me, with some friends thrown in, when I'm at my strongest or happiest (this one is in it).
Going through past compliments and selfies is, I admit, a little vain. But as Molly Soda said in a recent NPR interview:
"I think a selfie is a really, really positive thing, whether or not its art, it's super positive affirmation of self-love. And taking your photo and putting it on the Internet for the world to see is an act of positivity."
"I don't think there's anything wrong with being a little bit vain. I think we all are," she says.
"When I'm scrolling on my Instagram and I see a photo of a girl that she took of herself and I know she's feeling really good that day about herself, that makes me feel good and that makes me want to photograph myself, and I think it's a chain reaction." http://www.npr.org/sections/alltechconsidered/2015/07/27/425681152/narcissistic-maybe-but-is-there-more-to-the-art-of-the-selfie
Have a great weekend my dears, look through your own bad ass proof, and remember: you are all formidable as hell!